Dear Ben, Jerry, DQ, Baskin Robbins, and Breyers,
You need to stop jamming delicious shit into ice creams. Like, really. Please don’t show me another commercial of a drippy, salted caramel confection piled high atop a fist-sized cone. You are the stuff of my fat-girl dreams, and you’re killing me this summer, guys.
With no love,
All right, let’s put it out there. I spent much of the first half of this summer eating ice cream. (Damn you to the bowels of hell, Ben & Jerry’s Everything But The….) So when July arrived, I knew I needed to find an alternative.
Enter a bunch of elderly bananas and a dollop of vanilla extract. Yep, that’s literally all you need to create banana “soft-serve” ice cream.
We’ve all pureed fruit into smoothies. We know the texture by heart—chunky, icy, and fruit-dense. It’s nothing like ice cream at all. But this is different. Really. It’s thick and creamy and lip-smacking and naughty tasting.
So, how do you turn bruised ‘nanners into ice cream nirvana? It’s so, so easy.
Step 1: Take two bananas, un-peel, slice, and freeze. They should be chilled for at least two hours, or up to two days.
Step 2: Place frozen banana chunks into food processor. Add 1 T.vanilla extract.
Step 3: Blend for five minutes. This one’s important. Don’t blend until combined, don’t blend until you get tired of it—blend for five whole minutes. For the first four, you’ll think, “This lady is full of shit. This is just pureed fruit.” And then during the last minute, the ingredients cream and fluff and become something wonderful.
That’s all she wrote, folks. Eat it all, or stick it in a bowl and re-freeze. I have eaten it topped with berries, chocolate drizzle, walnuts, and shaved coconut. All good. I mean, you can’t really go wrong, can you?
Summer ice cream season can now commence.